Work abroad in Michael's family for 10-12 Months starting from Mar 2022 as an Au Pair to take care of 2 children of 6 - 10 years old & 11 - 14 years old in Leimen, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany

Greetings,

we already found our au-pair for 2022 but I do not know how to deactivate my account without deleting it. So, I just keep it running for next year.

Also, after some experience I got from this platform Aupair.com, I decided to leave a short guide here, which I started to write while I was still looking for an au-pair to make it easier for him/her and for me too.

PS: This is quite a long text, but you should consider reading it all since it will help you on your search for a host family!!!

Introduction:

First, I want to say that I am currently working as an IT Director for a medium size company in Heidelberg, Germany. I am switching in June this year to become Head of Control Technology in Bielefeld. I am in a leading/management position for several years already. In this time, I got a lot of management training, coaching and experience in job interviews as the employer. I am writing this, because I want you to understand that the following lines and advice are based on more than personal perspective but have an educated experienced background.

Second, following my advice will not help you in all and every situation. But I can tell you that most of the lines will be suitable for most German Host Families looking for an Au-Pair on this platform. To make it easier to read I will split my advice into formal (documents, requirements, etc.) and informal (soft facts, behavior, etc.) aspects.


Preparing your au-pair stay in Germany, formal aspects:

To become and au-pair in Germany, you need an au-pair visa. You can get it at your local German embassy. You need to make an appointment at the embassy and bring some documents. Some documents need to be provided by you, others by your future host family.
You need to provide…
… a valid passport.
… an A1 from an ALTE certified school like the Goethe institute
Your future host family needs to deliver…
… a letter of invitation.
… the au-pair contracted signed by them.
… copy of their passport.
… proof of insurance (health, liability, accident, and deportation costs), I suggest checking Aupair24 from Dr. Walter, they provide one insurance that covers all and it can easily be applied for online.
… an answered questionnaire by the ZAV.
… Extended registration certificate according to §18 Para. 2 Federal Registration Act (BMG).

Your local embassy might require additional documents, so I suggest you contacting them or reading their homepage to see if you need more documents. You need to have all papers reading for the appointment for the visa. This is so important because you cannot work in Germany as an au-pair unless you have the au-pair visa. You cannot change that, and the host family cannot change that. You and we must live with thing bureaucracy.
When you know what you need, make a to-do-list based on the requirements of the embassy and work on that list step by step. I can tell you it leaves a great impression in a meeting with your host family, when you already got all your papers covered and are well prepared for the appointment at the embassy. German people love preparations, and they will also like that you know what to do and which documents you need for the visa.


Finding the right family:

Now I will come to the more informal part which hopefully will help you find a good host family and get their documents for your embassy appointment.

But to start finding a good family for you, you need to clarify for yourself, what exactly you are looking for. There are some guiding questions you should be able to answer yourself:
How long do I want to stay in Germany? Just summertime 3-4 month? A whole year, which is the maximum in Germany?
What do I want to do after my au-pair year? Do I want to stay in Germany doing FSJ (goggle this if you do not know what it is), do I want to study?
How does the perfect family look like? Both parents or single mother/father? How many kids should be in the families, what genders, and how old should they be? Where should the family live? City, village, or countryside? Am I looking for religious people and if so, which religion?
How do I want to live in the family? Do I want to be a part of the family and participate in family activities, or do I see myself more as a babysitter, baby nurse or service maid?
What do I see as my tasks as an au-pair? This is, of course, based on the other questions. For example, families with babies require the au-pair to do different tasks than teenage kids.

I suggest you document this on a piece of paper. When you got your picture of the perfect host family, you need to understand, that the perfect family normally does not exist. This brings you to the step where you should think about which aspects of your perfect picture family are less important for you.

Would it be okay, if you want to live in a big city, when they live in a village, but a city is nearby?
What about gay parents? Could you accept gay parents? Could you accept a single father/mother even when you were looking for a family with father and mother?
How important is number, age and gender of the kids for you? When you look for a family with two baby boys, would you join a host family with four teenage girls?
What are No-Go’s for you? What would you not accept at all?

When you got this clarified for yourself, state this in your aupair.com profile so that the family know what you are looking for. Write something like „I am looking for a family where I am the big sister for their children “, or „I am looking for a family that needs help in the household but otherwise expects me to take care of myself “.

Of course, all this preparation takes some time, and you will have to check several aupair.com profiles before you find families, that fit your expectations. When you finally found families, you would like to join, you go to the next step and make yourself the favorite for your family of choice.


First, you need to understand that getting the perfect host family is like a very normal job application. From all the job interviews I had as an employer, I can tell you, that there are always two motivations to go for a new job:

1. You want to leave your old job and get away from there (leaving motivation)
2. You see a new job and this new job looks so great, that you want to start there (coming motivation)

[sidenote: You can use the following advice in nearly every job application you will ever have in your life, so read it carefully and understand the meaning. If you got any questions concerning motivation of change, contact me.]

This is important to understand, because when you see it from the perspective of the host family, you can easily agree that a German host family is normally not looking for someone that wants to leave the country he/she is currently living in, but they are looking for an au-pair that wants to come to them. They are not looking for an au-pair, that wants to go anywhere, they are looking for an au-pair, that wants to be with them.

[sidenote again: This, of course, also counts for every company. So, if you prepare for any job interview, tell your future to-be employer, how great the job offer is and that you want to go there and not how miserable your current job is and that you want to leave your old company.]

So, it is about showing your family of choice that you want to be with them and not just with any family anywhere and making them want YOU as their au-pair and not any au-pair. This can be done in three easy steps.


Step 1 to become the favorite au-pair: Preparation

The first step to become their favorite au-pair is, again, preparation. Read the profile carefully. Gather all information, you can about the children and the parents. Perhaps make a table for the family with father / mother / child 1 / child 2 / … columns and then lines like name, gender, birthday / age, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. Whatever information you get from the profile. And prepare using this information in your first contact letter and upcoming telephone / WhatsApp / facetime / Facebook messenger calls with the family.


Step 2 to become the favorite au-pair: Contact letter’

I cannot emphasize enough how important an individual first contact letter is. Your very first letter will open a door or close it. There is no second chance for a first impression and the first impression is your very first letter you write to the family. So, take your time to write. Think about, what you want to write. Show interest in the family. Also send some questions. I learned that non-premium members of au-pairs can only read the welcome letter of the family and not the information about the family. Be very open with this. If you have blank spots on your information table, ask them in the first letter like “On the picture I saw you have a wonderful wife, but since I am only a non-premium member, I cannot read your family information. May I ask you to tell me her name?” Second, adjust what you say to what you know about the family. Family with teenage children are not interested if you ever were working in a kindergarten or if you can pamper a baby. Write about your experience with cousins and siblings and how you guide them growing up. When the family has got babies, refer to your time as a babysitter for a friend of your mother. When you lack specific experience, for example write that you are eager to experience working together with teenage kids. Also, do not write to much, you still need some questions for your first call…


Step 3 to become the favorite au-pair: First call

You made it to the first call. Congratulations. That is already a big step. When you are lucky, you also meet the other family members in the call you do not yet know. Again, most important is preparation. You should prepare a safe environment, a short introduction and questions.

For the safe environment there are some things to ensure. Your mobile phone should be fully charged, or the charger attached. Do not run out of power in the call. Second, have a table or desk to put the phone on. Do not walk around with it, keep it steady and calm. Third, make sure other family members of you do not constantly interrupt you, also try to build a quiet environment. Fourth, prepare assistance. That can be a friend, who speaks German better than you, or a translator nearby you can use when you run out of words, or you do not understand the host family completely. A quiet environment and good chat flow keep the conversation alive. Constant disruptions because of noisy environment or you constantly asking to repeat the sentence/question makes the call frustrating for the family and you are out.

When it comes to the introduction you should know that in most families not all family members are involved into the recruiting process of the au-pair from the beginning, especially not the children. So, they do not know much about you. Prepare like a three-minute introduction saying who you are, where you are from (country and city), how old you are, how you are living now (with parents, alone, with siblings, with relatives), speak about your family, where you went to school, what you are doing now and why you want to come to Germany and perhaps even why you want to be with this specific family. Not all mentioned topics have to be covered, this are just ideas. The introduction should be in German. If your German is not good enough to talk freely, learn it by heart. Then tell the family, that your German is not good (if it is not) and switch to English conversation. Expect the host family also to introduce themselves. Have your information table ready and add the information you are still missing like age and name of the kids.

Third, have questions prepared. The worst thing, that can happen, is the host family asking you “do you have any questions?” and you say “no”. I cannot believe that you do not want to know anything about the family you stay together with for a year. For the host family this feels like you are not interested in the family at all. So, prepare question. The kids also being on the call is the best thing that can happen to you. When you get a chance, address them directly with questions like “What would you want me to cook for you? What is your favorite hobby? Are you into any sports? What is your favorite sports team and how are they performing in this season?” They might be shy and not answer at all, but mostly the father or mother will try to motivate them to talk and/or give the answers themselves. Also have some questions about the living and working conditions. Ask them, what they expect from an au-pair and when they explain, nod. Agree, even if you don’t. Ask them about how they live (house, apartment), about nearby shopping possibilities, how the children go to school/kindergarten, etc. When the first call lasts for half an hour up to one hour or linger, that is a good sign.

When you are in the call and realize, that this family is not what you want, do not show them. Just nod and smile and later tell on the aupair.com platform, that you are not interested anymore. Because what you still can do, is use the call as a learning lesson. Read faces, read what you can see of the room, read how they react to what you say. And adjust your behavior in later calls. Training makes perfect.

Also, on the first call, do not talk about formal aspects to much. You should talk about the au-pair tasks in general but not about a daily schedule. Also, payments and working hours can be clarified on aupair.com or via mail. Having written agreements is normally better than verbal arrangements when it comes to formality. This call is to get to know each other. Details can be clarified later.

Finish the call with kind greetings to the children (which probably leave the call after a while because just watching you and their parents talk is kind of boring for them) and the idea of both participants reflecting the conversation. If you and the family feel great already perhaps agree on a follow up call to go into more detail discussions about the visa process, documents, language school, etc.


Last words:

I hope that the information and advice on my profile help you finding your perfect host family. I know that I was talking about motivation a lot and that you should show your family that you want to be with them. I have enough good reason to understand, that quite a lot of au-pairs do not really care about their future host family, if it is in a rich country where they can build a fortune. They just bear this one year and then hope to stay in Germany, perhaps even by getting married while being an au-pair. I completely understand and would even support that when you were to be our au-pair. But if your primary motivation is a leaving motivation, just do not show it to the family. Show them, that you want to be with them. This is a lot more positive, and you want your future host family to have positive feelings when thinking about you.

Also, I know that even if you follow all my tips there will be families saying “we decided on someone else” even after a second or third call. I feel sorry, that you invested so much time and effort into not going to the family you want to join. But perhaps it was not you. It was just, that the were more into another au-pair. Even if you do 100% correct, sometimes it is just bad luck.

Just one last warning: Not every family in Germany is a kind family. Some just look for a cheap service maid that does the laundries, ironing, cooking, cleaning the toilets, etc. It is up to you to decide how to deal with such a family. There is always a chance for a rematch and looking for a new family when you already are in Germany, and you cannot bear this family any longer.

When you find this helpful or want to share your experience with me, perhaps to adjust one thing or another in my profile, please contact me.


PS: I got some feedback already which I, of course, would also like to add to my profile.
First, there are families in Germany that are NOT searching for an au-pair. They say, that they do, but in reality they are looking for a cheap employee. Normally an au-pair is responsible for the kids and a little bit of help in the household. That includes caring for the kids, playing with them, pamper them, clean their rooms and cook for them. Also you should always be expected to keep your own room clean. That is the main task of an au-pair in Germany. I heared that some families use them to completely do the household, do gardenwork or even work in the family shop. As I said, they are not looking for a family member for a time but cheap workers. It is up to you if you would accept a family like this. Realistically spoken it is based on your current despair. I am so sorry to be honest on that point.

Second, there is no way to trick the system. You are not 18 yet? No au-pair. You are 27 or older already? No au-pair. You can speak German but got no license from a Goethe institute? No visa and so, no au-pair. Again, I am sorry.

Third, and here it gets interessting: Au-Pair is not the only way to come to Germany.
There are three more solutions you might want to take a look into.

First and easiest way is to got for a FSJ, meaning "Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr", translates to something like voluntary social year. This can be compared with an au-pair job, but you do not go into a family but you come for a year and work in social wellfare in Germany. Search "FSJ für Ausländer" on google for some information links.

The second options is called BFD = Bundesfreiwilligendienst. It can be compared with the FSJ, but it is not exactly the same since the target audiance is different. FSJ cannot be done when you are older than 27 while BFD can be done at any age. Also the support for FSJ is better than for BFD. So if you are still young, go for the FSJ.
BUT: Very important remark: For both you need the B1 Goethe Institue Certificate. So when your German is still poor, this is no option.

Third option is a new law that entered into Force in May 2020. It is (German tend to have long words for law) the
FACHKRÄFTEEINWANDERUNGSGESETZ, which translates to something like specialist immigration law.
When you got an academic degree or you have a finished apprenticeship in your home country, this is a good option to got for. Search "Fachkräfteeinwanderungsgesetz" on google and you can find some good information on it.

One final sidenote: Au-Pair, FSJ and BFD only provide temporary right to stay in Germany. The option to stay longer are the Fachkräfteeinwanderungsgesetz, Asylum and Marriage.

I wish you the very best and hope that you will find your perfect host family in Germany!

Peace,
Michael