Au Pair’s First Days: Essential Tips for a Successful Start

Starting life as an Au Pair in a new country is an exciting but sometimes overwhelming experience. Whether you’re a Host Family welcoming your Au Pair or an Au Pair arriving at your Host Family, clear communication and structured routines are key to a successful start. Here are practical, culture-aware tips to ensure a smooth beginning for both sides.

1. The very first day(s)  

The first few days are an exciting time for everyone involved. Au Pair and Host Family have to get used to each other and some organizational things have to be taken into account, but with our tips this will surely succeed:

For Host Families: Show your Au Pair where all the appliances in the house are and how to use them (oven, washing machine, dishwasher, etc.). Take some time to show the Au Pair the important routes, e.g. to the children’s school/kindergarten, afternoon activities, to the park, etc. Write down all the emergency numbers the Au Pair should know in case of an emergency and leave them somewhere visible. Make sure your Au Pair feels welcome, and try to be understanding of her or his situation. The Au Pair needs time to adjust to the new situation just like you.
For Au Pairs: Don’t be shy, if you don’t know how anything works, just ask! It is normal that it takes some time to adjust, your Host Family knows that and will help you get comfortable. Observe and learn. Talk about your expectations and show a positive attitude.

2. Openly address communication style  

Communication is handled slightly differently in every culture. In Germany, for example, the tone is often more direct—this means that things that need to be improved are addressed in a straightforward manner.

For Host Families: It is best to explain your communication style right at the beginning to avoid misunderstandings. Remember that your Au Pair might face a language barrier when arriving in your country. Communication should be simple to avoid misunderstandings.
For Au Pairs: Try not to see direct feedback as personal criticism—it is usually well-intentioned and should help to make everyday life run more smoothly. If unsure, always ask for clarification.

3. Create a clear, detailed weekly plan

A structured weekly schedule is helpful for both sides:

For Host Families: Plan tasks as detailed and generously as possible—allow about 25% more time than you would need to complete the tasks. Tasks often take longer for someone unfamiliar with your home or routines.
For Au Pairs: The schedule helps you to understand the daily routine and to recognize when you are working and when you have free time.

4. Discuss the weekly plan together

A written schedule is helpful, but discussing it face-to-face ensures everyone is aligned.

For Host Families: Take time to go through the plan together at the beginning of the week and highlight important tasks. Remember to allow time in your weekly schedule for your Au Pair's language course.
For Au Pairs: Take the opportunity to ask questions or give feedback if anything is unclear. This shows initiative and helps prevent misunderstandings.

5. List of regular tasks

New environments come with a learning curve. A written list of regular household tasks can ease the transition.

For Host Families: List even seemingly obvious tasks like emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, or tidying up toys. This sets clear expectations.
For Au Pairs: Use this list as a daily guide. It will give you structure and help you feel more at home in your new role.

6. Clarify family rules together

A common understanding of certain rules will avoid conflicts later on.

For Host Families: Talk openly about topics such as curfews, shared meals, inviting friends over, and smartphone use. Be clear and open.
For Au Pairs: Ask if something is unclear—this way you show interest and respect for the family's rules. Understanding the family’s values will help you integrate faster. You can also ask your Host Family about house rules during your free time (e.g., usage of the TV or every room while you are not working) while clarifying the family rules together.

7. Weekly feedback meetings

Regular check-ins strengthen trust and create space for open dialogue.

For Host Families: Don’t focus only on what needs improvement, but also emphasize positive things. Ask the Au Pair for feedback. Are there any open questions? Use this time to discuss upcoming appointments and address any concerns. A relaxed setting (e.g., with tea and cookies) helps everyone to feel at ease
For Au Pairs: Take the opportunity to ask your own questions or give feedback. A brief look ahead to the coming week can also help. To help you feel more confident and not forget anything, it can be helpful to write down your questions before the feedback meeting.

8. Explain tasks in concrete terms

The clearer the expectations, the fewer misunderstandings.

For Host Families: Instead of just writing down “lunch for the children”, explain what your children like to eat and what to look out for (e.g., include vegetables, no sweets).
For Au Pairs: If you're unsure how to do something, just ask. Clarifying tasks shows your commitment and willingness to learn.

9. Put the Family’s Daily Routine in writing

A simple overview of the family's regular schedule is extremely helpful.

For Host Families: Give your Au Pair an overview of your working hours, the children's school or nursery times, regular appointments (e.g., sports), public holidays, and vacations.
For Au Pairs: This helps you better understand the family rhythm and become a reliable part of their everyday life.