The Au Pair program is also the first away-from-home experience for many of the Au Pair candidates. Often, they are merely familiar with the house rules of their own home. As they come into contact with a different culture and traditions, they may feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

This kind of scenario is quite common, which is why we have created a small guide that will help you develop a good relationship with your Host Family, regardless of the host country you are going to. Read on to learn some key aspects of a successful stay with your Host Family. 

Good communication and mutual respect

Follow the same parenting philosophy as the host parents. Be consistent about the rules parents set for their children. Don't overrule them, or display contradictory behavior that confuses the children. Even if it's not allowed, you may be tempted to let the kids spend more time in front of the screen. Perhaps, your host kid may ask you for treats during off-schedule times. Stay consistent. It is very important that you team up with the parents, and show them that they can trust you even when they are not at home. 
 

A good idea is to learn about gentle parenting. There are many sites on the Internet that can help you. This one has tips for communicating with children without losing your cool. UNICEF also has its own site dedicated to child care, and in case you need ideas for fun and educational activities, you can find lots of them on this website. 
 

Always greet family members with a smile. If you are an introvert, you don't need to completely change your personality to fit in. By making a friendly gesture, such as a smile, you send the message that you are empathetic, approachable, and receptive. Which will help you establish a good connection with the family right from the start. 
 

Never share your Host Family's private information with any outsiders. Protect your Host Family's privacy, even from your family or friends. Remember, privacy is a right we all deserve. 
 

Be assertive. We have discussed this topic in some of our articles. Assertive communication is the basis of a good relationship with your Host Family. If something makes you uncomfortable, do not hesitate to talk about it with your host parents. Also, ask them what they think of your performance, is there any room for improvement? The ability to handle misunderstandings or conflicts in a mature and respectful way will be one of your most useful skills when working as an Au Pair. 
 

Avoid using computers, the internet, or the home phone without first asking permission. The computer may have sensitive information that only the parents can access, and the internet or telephone may generate unexpected expenses. Ask permission whenever you want to use them, this will also strengthen the bonds of trust with the family. 

Cooperation 

Some of us are a bit messy, it is a luxury we can afford in our own home, but not in the Host Family's home. In there, you must show your willingness to become a point of support for the parents. Here are some tips for you to show your sense of responsibility, consideration, and cooperation: 

• Keep your room clean and tidy.
• If you notice that the parents are overworked, consider helping them with simple tasks not related to childcare, such as taking out the garbage.
• Clean up after yourself and try to keep the children's spaces tidy at all times. 

Become familiar with the principles of cross-culturalism

Keep in mind that you will face cultural differences. These differences may be related to food, religion, gender roles, etc. Over video calls, you can get a sense of some of the family habits that will be new to you. Keep an open mind, but also set firm boundaries. You can make a list of what is acceptable and what is not according to your values and culture. 
 

Learn about your host country's rules of etiquette. There are some things that, while acceptable in one culture, may be considered rude to others. For example, in France, if you have been invited to a party, it is not polite to arrive empty-handed. 
 

Make it clear to family members that you are open to constructive criticism. You may do something they consider strange or rude. Let them know they can always talk about these things. 
 

Practice the Host Family's native language as much as you can. You will show that you are truly interested in the host country's culture. It can be intimidating to try to communicate in a language you are just learning, but remember, that is one of the goals of the program. Make the most of the immersion experience. 

Put the children's well-being as your #1 priority.

As an Au Pair, they will be your main responsibility. A little distraction can lead to an accident. Their safety and well-being are in your hands while looking after them, so leave nothing to chance. 
 

• Never leave them unsupervised. Not even if there is an older child who you think can take care of a younger one. Always keep them in sight. 
• Treat them all equally, avoid favoritism. Favoritism can cause emotional distress in children.  Don't compare, judge, or take sides. Behave objectively and fairly. 
• Be Always on time to pick them up, take them somewhere, feed them, etc. 
• Connect with them. Show that you really care about them and that they can trust you. Listen to them, fulfill the promises you make, engage in fun activities, encourage them to use their imagination, and don't forget to congratulate them on their accomplishments, even if they seem small.  
• During your working hours, perform only childcare-related tasks. Don't let your phone distract you while you are with the children.

Do you think we missed any tips? Let us know in the comments and help other future Au Pairs prepare for their stay. Want more information about the program? Visit our Wiki page and our blog.