How to deal with sexual harassment during your Au Pair stay?

The street, the workplace, your educational institution… Any of these spaces can turn into scenarios where sexual harassment occurs.
 

We would like to tell you that the Au Pair program is exempt from this problem, but unfortunately, this is not the case. The vast majority of the experiences we know of at AuPair.com are positive and highlight the advantages of the program. However, we also have heard of some unfortunate cases, in which candidates have faced difficult circumstances, including sexual harassment by a member of their Host Family. 

Why do we think it is important to speak out on this topic? 

AuPair.com’s goal is to give the tools to every Au Pair to find the right match autonomously, and have the best stay abroad. However, Au Pairs should be just as careful as they are on every other website and in real life.
 

We want you to start your stay with optimistic expectations, but we still would like to help you be prepared in case things do not turn out as expected.
 

The first thing you should be clear about is that the blame should always be placed on the harasser. There is no valid excuse, including the type of clothes you wear, how you look, your gender, or your behavior, that justifies the violation of your human rights and a harasser's lack of self-control. 
 

Being sexually harassed has much more to do with the power someone wants to exert over another person than with sex itself, and can occur in any context. Although statistically, the greatest number of cases involve women being harassed by men, anyone, regardless of gender, age, or sexual orientation, can suffer from this type of violence. 
 

So, what to do in case you have to deal with a sexual harassment situation? Here are some tips. 

First, let us define sexual harassment

The Istanbul Convention of the Council of Europe defines sexual harassment as:

Any form of unwanted verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature with the purpose or effect of violating the dignity of a person, in particular when it creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment.

This EU Directive states that harassment is a form of discrimination and is illegal.

To make it as clear as possible, here are some examples of situations that can be considered harassment: 

Some examples of verbal sexual harassment include:

• Questions about your sex life: fantasies, preferences, background, etc.

• Sexist comments, or remarks about the shape of your body, the clothes you wear, etc.

• Expressing a desire for sexual contact or behavior.  

• Invitations to go out or do other activities for a date when you have said you are not interested. 

Nonverbal harassment includes: 

• Lewd looks.

• Sending unsolicited sexually explicit images.

• Gestures with sexual connotations, such as blowing kisses, or licking lips. 

Physical harassment includes:

• Groping, pinching, hugging, rubbing, and any other type of unsolicited physical contact with a sexual connotation. Remember, it is you who decides whether the gesture is inappropriate or not, not the other person! 

• Direct physical aggression.

Being a victim of the above forms of sexual harassment, you may not have the impulse to reject or confront your harasser immediately. This might happen out of fear because you were taken by surprise, seeing him or her as an authority figure who may retaliate against you, or because you think your safety is at risk. Regardless of the reason you did not act then, passivity does not equate to a yes on your part. 

You have every right to calmly analyze the situation, determine if it is harassment, and then take action. 

Some tips for dealing with sexual harassment

1. The best thing you can do is to report your harasser. Now, we know this can be difficult for several reasons. Talking may make you relive the situation and cause you discomfort. Also, it is normal that living in a country other than your own and especially in your harasser's home, you may feel vulnerable and in danger. Take time to think about it and act whenever you feel ready. 
2. Consider also that even if you speak up, they may not believe you. It is therefore vital that you try to collect as much evidence as possible. 
3. Initially, you can write a text message to the offender, describing everything that happened, telling them about your discomfort, and letting them know that their inappropriate approaches are unwelcome. Be as specific as possible and save screenshots of this conversation. 
4. Try never to be alone with them. Always seek to be accompanied by another adult who makes you feel safe; if this is not possible, leave. Your safety is the most important thing.
5. Tell someone. This could be, for example, a friend you have made, or another adult family member you can trust. Even if they don't believe you, put this conversation in writing so you can use it as evidence. 
6. Start looking for another family as soon as you can and, contact the police. It is their duty to assist you in these cases. 
7. If you found your Host Family through our website, file a complaint. With your testimony and evidence, we can prevent the user from contacting other candidates. Read more about our complaint handling protocol here.
8. For guidance and support, you can contact the RCNE in Europe. This is an organization dedicated to helping victims of sexual abuse. They offer assistance in several languages and even provide information on their website about the centers where you can go depending on the country where you are located. If you are in a country like the United States, your full-service agency of choice is responsible for helping you in this situation. 

Remember, your Au Pair experience can in no way end up putting your integrity at risk. Make various video calls before choosing a Host Family and ask all the questions you think are necessary. 

We hope you have an amazing time, and never forget that you are not alone and that the best way to deal with sexual harassment is to expose your harasser. 

We wish you the best of success in your search and stay, and hope this article has helped you.