Communication between Au Pairs and Host Families 

Communication is an important aspect for a successful relationship between an Au Pair and a Host Family. Living together means sharing daily routines, expectations, and rules, so being able to express how you feel and discuss the Au Pair contract respectfully is essential.

However, communicating effectively is not always that easy, especially in an intercultural context where cultural differences influence what is considered polite and appropriate. What might sound like a simple, direct request in one culture can be perceived as rude or too authoritative in another.

For both Au Pairs and Host Families, these misunderstandings can lead to frustration and the inability to create a good collaborative experience. Understanding how culture shapes communication can make a huge difference in the quality of the relationship that Au Pairs and Host Families can develop. 

A helpful tool: Hofstede’s country comparison 

One practical way to understand cultural differences is through Hofstede’s Cultural Dimensions Model. This tool identifies the six main areas in which cultures tend to differ. It helps people anticipate possible misunderstandings and adapt their communication style accordingly. A clear explanation of the six aspects is as follows: 

1. Power distance: indicates how comfortable people from the same culture are with hierarchy and unequal power.
2. Individualism vs Collectivism: indicates whether people from the same culture see themselves mainly as individuals or as part of a group
3. Masculinity vs Femininity: indicates whether a culture is driven by competition and achievement or by cooperation and care.
4. Uncertainty Avoidance: indicates how much people from a certain culture need clear rules and structures or flexibility.
5. Long-Term Orientation: indicates whether a culture is more normative, focusing on traditions and short-term results, or more pragmatic, emphasizing persistence and innovation to prepare for their future.
6. Indulgence vs Restraint: indicates how freely people express enjoyment and emotions. 

For Au Pairs and Host Families, being aware of these dimensions doesn’t mean classifying each other into boxes. This tool can simply help both sides understand why they might communicate differently and how to bridge the distances. 
Here, we propose two common situations that could occur during an Au Pair experience. We will show you how it is possible to incorporate the information from the Country Comparison Tool into communication. 

Example 1: A Colombian Au Pair with a German Host Family 

Imagine you are an Au Pair from Colombia living with a Host Family in Germany. You feel your workload has become too heavy, it is not in line with what was written in the contract, and you want to talk about it with your Host Family.

In this situation, the main goal is to make sure that the Host Family understands what is not fine for you now and that she can adjust it, without causing offense or making you seem lazy. The Hofstede dimensions can guide you: 

• Power distance: Colombia has a higher power distance, meaning people often show respect to authority and avoid direct disagreement. Germany, on the other hand, has a lower power distance, meaning open discussion is expected and appreciated.
→ Don’t be afraid to speak up politely. Your Host Family will likely value honesty and clarity. 

• Individualism: Germany tends to be more individualistic, so it’s fine to express your personal needs using “I” statements.
→ For example, you could say: “I have noticed my working hours are higher than expected, I’d love to find a balanced schedule together”. 

• Uncertainty Avoidance: Germans tend to appreciate structure and facts. 
→ You could prepare concrete examples and numbers, so mention how many hours you have worked this week and show what was written in the contract. 

In this way, you align with the German communication style, and your message and your needs will be understood clearly, leading to effective results. 

Example 2: A U.S Host Family with an Indian Au Pair 

Imagine you are a Host Family in the United States, and your Au Pair comes from India. You’ve noticed that a few household tasks haven’t been completed as agreed. You would also like your Au Pair to teach some words in her native language to your kids. 

!Attention! Even though some Host Families want their Au Pair to do some language-related activities with their kids, like speaking her/his native language, it is important to keep in mind that Au Pairs are not language tutors. While this can be an interesting cultural activity to do - and playful activities that involve multiple languages and help your kids develop their curiosity are always welcome - Au Pairs are not required to give language classes. 

This topic can be sensitive: you want to address the Au Pair honestly without sounding too critical, motivating her to adjust her behaviour. The Hofstede dimensions can guide you: 

• Power distance: India scores much higher on Power Distance than the U.S., meaning that people are more accustomed to clear hierarchies and tend to defer to authority figures. Your Au Pair might be reluctant to question or correct, especially in case she is confused about the task. 
→ You could take initiative and clarify your expectations explicitly, but frame it like a team, for example: “I realized we might not have explained exactly what we meant by tidying up, so we can go over it together”.

• Individualism vs Collectivism: The U.S. is highly individualistic, while India is more collectivistic, valuing group harmony and relationships. She may avoid raising concern for avoiding conflicts, and she might be expecting to do a lot of activities “all” together.
→ You could show that the discussion is safe and welcome, and also describe the family as a team can align with her mindset of collectivism and harmony. You could also explain how your family is used to organising its activities. For example, you could say: “We really appreciate your opinion, so please tell us if something feels unclear; we just would like to make things work smoothly for everyone”. 

• Indulgence vs Restraint: The U.S. is a more indulgent culture, valuing positivity and self-expression, while India is more restrained, emphasizing modesty and social expectations.
→ It could be a good idea to try to balance your American “friendliness” with her preference for more formality. Speaking to her in an overly emotional way could result in her not being effective or respectful.

Intercultural communication 

The Hofstede Cultural Dimensions Tool isn’t a magic solution, and it shouldn’t be used to stereotype individuals. It’s a simplified model of the complex cultural diversity that exists. But if used as a starting point for understanding, it can help both Au Pairs and Host Families communicate more thoughtfully. 

By learning how culture shapes words, tones, and expectations, both sides can avoid misunderstandings and grow through the experience. After all, one of the most valuable lessons of the Au Pair program is exactly this: learning to connect beyond cultural differences.